still unimpressive

chill you! chill myself while im at it.

If you try hard enough you can do anything right?

Then why can’t I do this. Why can’t I do it. It’s too difficult. It’s too much of a task. I’m too tired. All a bunch of shitty excuses.

Where the heck am I going? What am I aiming for? It seems like everything related to school and life is about pretending to be happy and warm.

You’ve gotta be nice to those “friends” no matter what you think
You need to be polite to your teachers no matter how much they suck
You need to be curt to all those clerical ass-clowns that seem to be oh-so-useless
Of course you need to be on your best behavior with all those people that have bearing on your life. The problem is everyone has bearing on my life.

He waves. Should I wave back? I see him. Should I say hi?
Even if I feel like the infernal shit that regularly inundates my affairs?

Everyday I get these new epiphanies, new revelations. Sometimes I’m so sure of some idea that I must incise it in my head because I know some loose sense will change my mind.

What’s really disappointing is that no one really understands what the hell I’m trying to say anyways. If you’ve read all the way to this bottom portion of the most, then you are quite remarkable. Now if you read it like you read Scarlett Letter, then I am the least bit surprised.

I say to myself, your writing is too vague, why do you write so no one really knows what the hell you’re talking about? Who the hell wants to read that crap? Honestly, I don’t know. Entertaining posts are so damn rare on this blog that I might as well keep a personal diary instead. But then typing is so much easier.

I’ve never really said this, this way at least, but damn are blogs nice. Writing, without those shitty constraints English teachers impose on your is so much nicer. Why can’t, just once, write and discuss about whatever the hell we want in English class? Passioned writing stems from passioned subjects, and damn Buddha if there are more than two people in the world that are passionate about the English class shit.

Wow if you’re still reading, then you’re probably not going to do well on the SATs. Not that I care. Caring about other people is so difficult. If you care about a guy you’re faggoty. If you care about a girl then you like her. I hate it when people respond to something by saying “wow thats really deep”, `cause shit, is that all your shallow ass my mind is capable of thinking of? How about give what I just said a second of thought.

I also really hate people who change the topic while you’re talking to them. I’m probably a hypocrite here, but some people just don’t f’ing listen. Listen more damn it. As long as I’m not studying for a test, I’ll listen to whatever shit you have to say. Listening doesn’t mean you nod and then talk about how great the guy sitting next to you in Bio class smells. Listening means trying to understand why the hell the person is telling you this shit and then perhaps resolving something. Peter listens.

Guys v Girls
If there one thing I’ve learned is that both sexes suck. Males have a great tendency to give very little shit about most things. Especially emotions, find a guy that is straight and cares. Man there are those few guys that actually listen though. They are nice. Damn but you’re in a group of three guys or more, the conversation inevitably will change to some hybrid of games, electronics, and describing how they pwned someone at something.

Girls. Girls operate on such a different level than guys its amazing. If people were streets, guys would be Fwy 5 and girls would be Lombard, that damn street with 8 turns, in SF. It so hard to be straightforward sometimes. But what I hate the most is how you can’t really integrate with girls. Damn it if you talk with one person too long everyone thinks you like them. If you give them some fancy gifts suddenly you are star-not-crossed lovers. Asians guy’s stars only cross for parallax, not for love. Shit I give some guys nice stuff and the others shit. It doesn’t mean I would like to start going out with him. In fact it doesn’t even mean I like that person more, I just happened to have found something that fits well.

So the great thing is, is that now I have nothing. No one to call when I’m feeling like shit. No one calls me unless they don’t know what the homework is. I know, I know, it’s like this for everyone. But then if you believe you can do something then you can do it right?

Well I tried. Go ahead, move on.